Miles is 1

Miles turned 1 on Monday. We had a very fun day and Miles TORE into his cake. I'll post pics soon, they are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny. He had to go straight to the bath and his clothes had to soak for several hours to get the food coloring out of them. When he turned 1, Mason refused to touch his cake. Miles made up for the lack of "fun" by eating his entire cake (not just a cupcake, it was a #1, about the size of 2 cupcake!!), all the icing that was not on his face, arms, neck, ears, etc, and that was all after a huge lunch (an entire hotdog, grapes, goldfish, maybe something else - I don't remember now). He is going to be 30 lbs at his weigh-in today!!!

Monday was so much fun. Tuesday it hit me - Miles is not a baby anymore, but a toddler. It was so much harder (emotionally) than when Mason turned 1. With Mason I was just relived to have made it through the first year and I didn't damage him too badly! :) Mason's first year felt like it was so long. Miles' first year flew by.
We have not decided if we are going to have a 3rd baby. Two is good -- we are not outnumbered. We can each spend one-on-one time with each boy and not be so split with our time and energies. A table for 4 at a restaurant is easy. A table for 5 is harder. We love to travel and cannot wait until the boys are old enough to take on trips. A third baby will prolong that and make it more expensive, cumbersome.
But.
I am the third child in my family. I cannot help but think what if my parents stopped after 2 boys because it was easier, more convenient, less expensive (much less expensive in my case!!). I want the best for my boys. I want to be able to give them things and experiences that others do not have. I want them to learn about other cultures by experiencing them. I want them to go to great schools and participate in whatever activities they want to. I don't want to have to say no because we don't have the resources (financial or time).
But.
I just don't have the feeling that our family is complete.
We have a 3 bedroom house. I have no office, no space of my own, no real place to decorate, spread out, call my own. All of the common areas (except the living room, that is for mommy and daddy only!!!) and all 3 bedrooms (yes, even the master) have toys in them. When Miles turns 2, we plan to bunk the boys in Mason's room. We will have a free room for toys, office, scrapbook stuff, a chair to sit and read in. Selfishly, I hate to give up that idea, that space, that freedom from toys all over the house.
But..........still working though all of this.
More later from Miles' 1-year well baby check-up.