Happy New Year

Just wanted to send a happy 2009 to everyone.
Thanks for sharing in our life and loving my family.
Here's to health, happiness, a life full of family, fun, friends and a closer walk with the Father.

Such a blessing!

Every woman I know wants to be pursued. Every woman wants to feel longed for and loved. Most look to men, friends, kids or work for praise, validation, love, purpose. God wants us to come to him and look to him for those things and so, so much more. I have struggled with finding each and every one of those things since I quit work to stay home with the boys. Only a few really know about my struggles in this area (just trying to keep it real today).
I know that God has been pursuing me and desiring me to have a sincere, true change of heart. A change of thinking toward him and his goals, plans and purposes for my life. A life that looks to him for my validation, love, purpose, praise. This has come at me in so many different ways lately. I have felt God pursuing me, urging me to come to him, pulling at my heart and my spirit to come back into true fellowship with Him. I have spent so much time (totally wasted time, might I add) thinking of ways I could do things that would fulfil me as a person. Ways I could volunteer, work part time and still be with the boys, ways I could work full time and still have as much time left over with the boys and with Eric. But those things just don't matter because they are not God's plan for me.
I have been trying to do things my own way for way too long. I have been looking to my husband to affirm me. I have been looking to my children to validate me. Not only is that ridiculous and unfair of me, it is a whole lot to put on a 4 year old and a 19 month old. It is not fair to them. It places a responsibility on them that they should not have to bear. I plan to apologize to them for doing that. I know that they will not understand me, but I need to do it.

The following verses were one of the (many) ways that God spoke to my heart this week. I read this on another woman's blgo and it was like she was writing it just for me and speaking straight to my heart. I pray that it bless you as well.


I made her. She is different. She's unique. With love I formed her in her mother's womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure the day I created her. (Psalm 139:13-16)
I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh and the silly things she says and does. She brings me great pleasure. (Psalm 139:17)
I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart and knew she would be vain. I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn it would be Me in her that would make her beautiful and would draw friends to her. (I Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be, only because I want her to turn to Me in her loneliness. Only because I need for her to lean to and depend on Me. I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own way and forget about Me, her Creator. (Psalm 62:5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things because I love her. (Psalm 84:11 and Romans 8:32)
Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart and the tears she has cried alone. I have cried with her and had a broken heart too. (Psalm 56:8)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not hold My Hand. So many lessons she has learned the hard way, because she would not listen to My Voice. (Isaiah 53:6)
She is mine. I made her then I bought her because I love her. (Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape and remold her, to renew in her what I want her to be. It has not been easy for her or for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My Image. This high goal I have set for her because I love her. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

One last thing (if anyone is still with me)..... another thing that really spoke into my life was the Christmas Eve service at our church. It is available online and if you have 45 mins or so, I would really encourage you to go and watch it. I will be praying to see a flip of your cardboard.... just go watch and you'll understand! :) www.watermarkradio.com Click on "What in the World Was He Thinking" on 12/24/08. Enjoy.

Still here!

Yes, I am still here. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have blogged and it has been a VERY full two weeks.

12/16 - K&E's 8th wedding anniversary

12/17 - Miles' last day of school for 3 weeks and Mason's class Christmas party (which I was in charge of.... it went very well and the kids seemed to enjoy themselves)

12/18 - Found out E made Partner at his firm. Dinner out that night to celebrate!!!

12/19 - 12/20 - Night away in Ft. Worth to celebrate anniversary and partnership (Boys at Nana and Papa's). We stayed in a B&B downtown, went to 4 Day weekend improv club and a late dinner at Lonesome Dove (AMAZING food, by the way!!)

12/21- 23 - Boys and I prepared for Christmas. Wrapped all the gifts. Played with friends.

12/24 - Spent day with K's family. Christmas Eve service at Watermark - best Christmas Eve service I have ever attended! Made cookies for Santa, had dinner together, opened presents, even heard Santa and his sleigh bells outside the window at Nana and Papa's house.

12/25-26 - Mason found his Santa gifts before the rest of us got up. He then hid under the dining room table and ate one of the cookies that Santa left behind..... sneaky kid! We opened Santa's gifts and gifts from Mommy and Daddy. Spent the rest of the day with E's family and stayed the night to spend a little extra time with his sister, bro-in-law and niece.

12/27 - Started taking down the Christmas decorations. Mason was really unhappy about this and kept telling me it was still Christmas. He also took a bunch of ornaments out of the boxes (that I had already put away) and put them back on the tree. UGH!!! Double work for Mommy. I also went through their toys and put away anything that was too young, not played with or torn up. It was nice to have the cleansing of toys.

12/28 - Church this morning (more on that later -- really good points were made). I visited some friends at the hospital that had a baby yesterday (after only 6 hours of labor -- so not fair!!!). She is precious and so tiny (6lb 9 oz)! I had to leave because I could literally feel my uterus doing flips and felt the pull of my heart wanting to experience that new life inside my tummy again..... sigh. Just not sure if that is going to happen again though. How do you know when your family is complete? How do you know if another is more than you can handle? E feels that we are complete, but I just don't know yet. Shouldn't I know already and shouldn't we feel the same? I will be 33 in a few weeks. So, we don't have a ton of time left to figure this out. Sigh. I just don't know.

Sorry to end on that sad note. I have been struggling a lot lately with be satisfied with our family, where we are (not perfect but striving to be loving and good examples for our boys), and what we are not. Christmas was hard seeing all of the girly presents going by and all the girly dresses for our nieces. I love our family how it looks right now and can't imagine it any other way, but my heart still longs for a daughter. Sigh.
E took Miles to the park. Mason lost that privilege because of some bad behavior this afternoon. So, he and I are hanging out at home. Maybe we'll work on putting up the rest of the Christmas decorations.

Four days in a row! Lots of randomness...

Wow, four days in a row of posts. I have not done that in a while.

Mason's school Christmas party is tomorrow. I know that this is probably silly, but I am really excited. For him, of course! I remember Christmas parties at school and how special it was to get to have cookies and parents there.

Since I am the class room mom, I have had the fun of organizing the party. We have 2 crafts, a story and, of course treats. There are 8 kids in the class, 6 of which are boys. So, I was pretty selective in the craft and ruled out (quickly) anything that used paint, glue, glitter, or anything else messy! At Christmas, that makes for a really short list of crafts. But, I found two easy ones and I prepared them last night.

About 3 miles away from my house, at my bestest friend Keely's house, it is a winter wonderland. I'm talking several inches of snow everywhere. Looking at my back yard, there is nothing but dead grass. No snow to make it all look pretty. Just a wet patio, bare trees and dead, yellow grass. How did that happen?

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY, Dylan!!!! We love you!!!!! (That's Mason's girlfriend/future wife.)

Happy 8th Anniversary, Eric. I love you and can't believe it has been 8 years.

Pics of Kim and I at the race on Sunday:

This is at around mile 5, I think.
This is at mile 10. Yes, we were totally walking at this moment. At that moment, 10 miles was the farthest I had ever run at one time. Another 3.1 miles felt like 30 more!

Just because I think that my kids are the cutest in the world(and it is my blog), here are a couple of Christmas card picture out-takes:

Like the new layout? Mason is totally in love with all the Rudolph videos this year, so I thought I would change it for him. :)

Weather

Yesterday's high: 80 degrees (with wind gusts up to 45 mph)
Current temp: 28 degrees (with wind chill of 17 degrees)

HUH??? I guess I should be elated about yesterday's weather (and wind) for the run. Had this cold front come in a day earlier, I would NOT have run. My blood is too thin for running. I have to leave soon to go pick up the boys from school. They'd better be glad that I REALLY love them or it would be tempting to stay here on the nice, warm, comfy couch........

Went for a run this morning (updated)

So, I went for a run this morning with Kim and 17..... thousand.... of my closest friends! :)
Seriously, I am in much better spirits today and SO SO SO glad that it is over. I could have run faster. But, I enjoyed the run. I enjoyed having so many people around me running. I enjoyed seeing all the different people out there -- all ages, races, physical abilities. I enjoyed the cheering (although there were definiely places that were quiet and spectators were sparse!). I enjoyed the time to chat uninterrupted with Kim. Kim, thank you for coming into town early, running with me, encouraging me the entire 13 miles, never making me feel like I was failing, (even when our pace was painfully slow), and especially for not kicking me in the shins like you threatened! :)
My good friend Irini joined us at mile 10 and without her chatter, energy and encouragement, I honestly think that I would have either just quit or totally stopped and walked. Thank you, thank you, thank youk, Irini!!!
Eric, Mason and Miles were able to see us 3 different times (one benefit of running slow!) before the finish line and once, Mason even ran along with Kim and I for about a minute. The people around us thought he was SO cute (which, of course, he is!!!) and it was sweet for him to cheer momma on. I needed it right then. It was such a pick-me-up to see their smiling faces.
The first several miles were mentally challenging. I was really feeling that there was no way I would be able to finish the entire 13.1 miles (Kim kept reminding me about that extra 0.1 mile!!!). We first saw the boys at mile 1.8 and I saw them first. The funny part was that I could not recall their names. All I could say was "baby mine Mason". I will probably never live that one down and it certainly caused some laughter around us. I was mentally fighting a battle at that point though. However, by the last several miles, it was more a battle of my body. I was tired. Until today, the farthest I have run was 10 miles, and that was last Sunday. However, just past mile 12, I came up with the word "vindicated". Again, I will not live that one down with Kim and Irini. Caused some good laughs again!
Ok, I am going to spend some quality time (on my rear on the couch) with Miley-Moo. Daddy and Mason went to a birthday party for one of Mason's school friends. Miles and I are going to hang out and enjoy the quiet of this Sunday afternoon.
Have a great week and I will post some pics once I get them downloaded (that would require walking right now and, well, that hurts!) and from my mom.

******************update:
I just heard on the local news that a 29-year old woman from Austin died during the marathon today. They don't yet know why she died though. Please keep her family in your prayers. What terrible news to end this day on.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my half-marathon. I have not written about running in a while. Did you think that I stopped? Maybe I just decided not to train for it any more. Well, I am still running. And running. And running. I honestly didn't know if I would make it to this point. But here I am.
I would love to say that I am excited and ready and can't wait to get out there. Well, I am. But, I am more ready for it to just be over with. (Just keeping it real!!) I am more looking forward to about noon tomorrow, or maybe 1PM when I can lay down and take a nap, satisfied that this goal is complete.
I am proud of myself that I stuck with it and that I am about to accomplish my goal. Several people have asked me if I plan to run another half or a full-marathon. Let me just say now very clearly..... NO. I have no desire. I think that I just did this one to prove to myself that I can. I will be quite happy to cheer on Eric from the sidelines and maybe one day cheer Mason and Miles as well. But, that's it for me. Resident cheerleader, coach, spectator.
I am looking forward to exercising because I want to, not because my schedule tells me I have to. I am looking forward to doing something other than running -- biking, elliptical maybe. Or, I could just walk. Novel idea, I know.
This week is quite a busy one for our family. I hope to have lots of fun posts, good news for everyone (no, I am not pregnant -- don't even go there), and cute pics. If my camera doesn't totally die on me - it is getting close.
Say a prayer for me in the morning. The weather should be nice, even a little warm in the 60s during the race. Today was really windy, so I am just hoping it won't be tomorrow. Kim, Eric's sister, came into town early to run with me, so it will be nice to have someone to chat with and keep up with tomorrow. Maybe we can finish a little faster than I have been running the last few weeks!

On the home front, Mason is well - just a little cough left. He always bounces back so quickly! Miles is over the pnemonia (finished his meds today in fact). However, the meds caused him to have AWFUL diarrhea starting Wednesday night. That wasn't the worst part. It was the diaper rash from all the diarrhea that has been the worst. There have been lots of tears (his and mine) and while I would like to say that we have a handle on it, we really don't yet. Hopefully now that the medicine is finished, he will start getting better. Poor little guy just can't get a break!

More soon!!

Best in Baby Scrapbooking

If you have known me for very long, you know that I am not that creative. I try but usually fall a little short. However, for some reason, I love to scrapbook. I love to create pages that capture the moment and showcase our pictures of the boys. I wish I had more time, but do the best I can.
I love to read Jessica's blog - she has a beautiful new baby boy and is an amazing scrapbooker. She is doing posts this week about products she loves, showcasing layouts of her sweet boy (you know I have a soft spot for baby boys!!!), and giving lots of tips and hints. I am learning so much and am getting inspired to start scrapping again. Go visit her (see the button on the right) blog and have fun!!!

Sick

Miles was sick. (Had a virus and then pnemonia.)
Mason is sick. (Had to pick him up early from school today. He's sleeping now.)
Mommy is also sick. (Thanks for spreading the love around, Miles!)

Ran 10 miles yesterday. Feel pretty good today. Considering.
Half-marathon is Sunday. Hope this cold goes away. VERY VERY SOON.
Don't really feel like writing right now. Just want my headache to go away......

Raffle-way

What's a Raffle-way? It's a raffle/give-away.
One of my favorite blogs is www.mycharmingkids.net.
MckMamma is so funny and down-to-earth. She has 4 kiddos -- ages 3, 2, 1 and newborn. Yep.... crazy!!!! The newborn, Stellan, is an absolute miracle. Go read about him and their precious family. It gives me goosebumps every time I read her blog or see pics about him.

Anyway, she is doing a raffle-way. For a new camera, lens, bag, lots and lots of good stuff. If you have seen my camera lately, well, you know it is just SAD. I would LOVE this camera. It is actually the exact one I have had my eye on for a while. But, it is pricey. So, go, look, enjoy, maybe enter yourself into the raffle-way for the amazing camera. The button is on my sidebar.

My blog's personality type

From http://www.typealyzer.com/
ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.
The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

REALLY?? Does everyone else agree with this? Leave a comment and let me know.....